Back in May 2006 I ran a competition on WTF! giving away five copies of the Conchords radio show CD set.
Flight of The Conchords radio show - more info
I was very impressed with the effort many people put into their entries and only wish I had had more copies of the CD to give away. I was much amused and loved how inventive and creative people were. I appreciate the time and effort people put in. Anyways without further ado, here they are, in no particualar order, the winning entries.
Wes (who made me laugh and because I have no porn to hand - I'm not that sort of woman! )
It appears that the only way to legitimately order these CDs is to use the "Information Super Highway" and provide a credit card number, name and address. This is exactly what the "Internet" wants. It wants to steal my identity and use it for all sorts of things. Maybe expensive goods, probably just porn. As my friends, family and even myself are quite fond of my current identity, I wish to avoid the possibility of it's fraud as much as possible. That is why I would like to win this CD.
Or at least some porn.
Anonymous (not Wes, so don’t even think of taking his identity)
Rick (whose bravery knows no bounds even when faced with Battle of the Bands! )
My name is Rick and this is what happened. So I was recently at Battle of the Bands at Valparaiso University which is kind of a big deal in Northwest Indiana. A duo introduces themselves as 'Involuntary Abstinence' which makes me chuckle, but, to my horror, they jump right into a verbatim performance of FOTC's appearance on HBO's 'One Night Stand'. A cold sweat trickled down my back as the crowd that surrounded me roared with stolen laughter and the cackling imposters dripped wormish 'thank you's' after each charade. Hiphopapotomus. Albi. The lady next to me is drooling with uncontrolled spasmic-giggles as I shout to her that they are a sham, a trikster, a fakir, ah, but my voice is quickly drowned as the audience leaps to their feet at the conclusion of Business Time. The judges even chimed in that they were one of the most unique groups they'd ever heard in years of sitting for these events. One of the judges couldn't comment he was out of breath from laughing and confessed his cheeks hurt from grin strain.
I'm a shy person. I sat, enveloped by the judges praise, the standing crowd, and the squeemish thank yous and fake stories of where 'Involuntary Abstinence' got their inspiration. My heart pounded in what seemed to be a quickly contracting chest and my palms were sopping wet. Not from anger, but from wanting to speak out. To let truth and justice echo across those midwest university walls. But I'm shy and I sat.
As the crowd got situated and returned to their seats, for some reason I stood. Trembling and shaky, I waddled up to the stage and begged the MC if I may make a brief emergency announcement. He agreed. My feet weighed two hundred million pounds climbing those stage steps and the lights were hotter than a hot tub inside a sauna inside a hot pocket. In what must have been incredibly shaky and inarticulate, I communicated as quickly as possible that 'Involuntary Abstinence' wrongfully accepted credit for the brilliant creative material of a group known as Flight of the Conchords and referred the audience to whatthefolk.net for sound clips and info if they enjoyed the material. As proof, I mechanically rattled off, "they call me the hiphopapotomus, I got flows that glow like phosphorous, poppin' off the top of this esophogus..." which of course our con artists had butchered and asked the group to apologize. Involuntary Abstinence refused apology, were disqualified from this and future competition, and FOTC gained a room full of fresh fans and I'm a grain less afraid of talking into one of them microphone devices.
I'd like a CD for bravery and letting truth and justice ring and what not, but that truth and justice thing was, at the same time, reward in itself. Thank you.
Frances (what reasons, how could I deny her. Oh and I am a Goddess :> )
10 R-R-R-Reasons Why I Should Have One of Those Glorious, W-W-W-Wonderful CDs
1 - Its a bit difficult to get Conchords stuff here in the Philippines. For instance, SmokeCDs doesnt ship here (7,000 islands and not one on their list, how unlucky am I?) To get a copy of the Folk the World Tour album, I had to go time-tripping to 2001 to convince a would-be-co-worker to take swimming lessons, buy a bike and start jogging. So that in 2005 she could join a triathlon in New Zealand and I could ask her to get me the album. I'd go back in time to get my great-grandfather to immigrate to England and make sure I end up living there but I'm afraid I'm all out of time-tripping acid.
2 - Really, winning a copy of the CD will keep me from sinking into despair. There are times when the dearth of Conchords stuff here makes me feel so desperate that I'm tempted to buy a CD of the BBZ show of the Like of the Conchords. I almost bought their Folks the Word Tour CD (tracks include Bowy, Something Special for the Laddies and Copacabana) but luckily the acid worked.
3 - It would contribute greatly to world peace i.e. I promise to make up with the saleslady at the magazine stand. I had (wrongly) accused her of removing the page containing the Conchords article from ALL the copies of Time magazine. She called me a mother*ucker. Things went downhill from there. (It was only when I checked the WTF site again that I discovered that Time here in Asia isnt the same Time in America.)
4 - I will donate the money I would have spent on getting a copy of the BBC show to mucho worthy causes. Like the Stop Touching the Monkeys Foundation and the Coalition for Cheaper Sneakers. Maybe even send a bit to Mr Mabooku. I think the guys would approve.
5 - My vocal chords will be forever grateful. I can finally let my friends, neighbors and new acquaintances hear the actual show instead of singing it to them for all three hours.
6 - It would make all the part-time models in the country very happy. So happy that they just might make me an honorary member.
7 - It might help me wangle a free appetizer from the local Outback Steakhouse. Show it to one of the waitress and point to Jemaine on the cover. Wouldnt know unless I tried, right?
8 - If I do boom a copy of the CD, my heart will surely boom from the whole boom boom.
9 - My personal Conchords shrine wont be complete without it. The CD will have its own place of honor --- between my Folk the World album and the giant roll of cellotape, right below the play dough figurines of the guys. It will give the visiting Jemaines Witnesses, Presbretarians and Wednesday Night Adventists more reason to light mince pie-scented incense and offer enchiladas to Jemaine and elven bread to Bret. Did I mention there's also a small altar dedicated to Sherry, goddess of all things Conchords?
10 - Theres probably no other CD that contains a recording of my second
favorite musical act, Jjustin.
Fawad (whose nude Hiphopapotamus and Rhymenocerous artwork made me laugh)
Dear my good friends/sir or madame at What the Folk . net
Hello from Nigeria.
The reason I should have the Flight of the Conchords CD is simple. I would do anything for the Conchords. I would love them forever. I would buy a restaurant and name it after them and then eat every single item on the menu in one sitting, also named after them, just to be close to anything that is in any way close to them.
And that’s not all. The Conchords are important to me. When I was just a boy and heard their music for the first time on my family’s new wireless set, back in 1945, I said then to my father and mother. “Mom, dad. I want to devote myself to the plight of the dragons.”
After the brief hospital stay that ensued, that’s just what I did. It was through my serious quest for finding the inner meaning behind the Conchord’s music that my travels eventually lead me to Albania, to a small village known as Cottageton, where I met a young boy who confirmed all my wildest fantasies, not only were the Conchords real people, they were also real dragons.
I have since—with the inception of the internet—started up a website devoted to both dragons and the Conchords. It is, as I felt appropriate, an imaginary website and you can visit it by closing your eyes and making a wish for an end to world violence.
And that’s another thing about the Conchord’s music is that it touches me deeply. It has taught me the true value of violence against people of all ages. Just yesterday I attacked a man after my evening meal with my cutlery. If not for the music of these Flight of the Conchords, I would never know the joy and inner peace that comes of inflicting comical bodily harm to someone’s lower joints. And you know, the man I attacked, as he huddled there, clutching his knees, he began to quote a famous Conchords song, and then, right then, I knew beyond any shadow of a doubt that he know, too. He was a fan, too. And we were connected to each other by the music.
And that’s really what it is all about. The music. It isn’t about the multi-national advertising endorsements which may come and go. It isn’t about the women, who gather online ready and waiting to hurl themselves and their bodies and self-respect at you. It even about the issues, or wiping out the human race with lead based gases, or the music.
It’s about the…
You should give me a cd. If not, things might get unpleasant for you. By which I don’t mean any sort of threat of physical violence by salad fork. No. Look, think of it this way, I am a true fan. I’m old school hip-hop. I’m minorities. I’m that crucial 18-35 male age demographic. I’m everything that white corporate America wants me to be. If you don’t give me the cd, it’s practically a crime against capitalism and freedom. It’s like letting the terrorists win.
Speaking of hip-hop, I was actually on-hand for the first time, at a famous bar-b-q party in suburban New Zealand that a little something called hip hop was invented. And I don’t mean to lie terribly, but I’m not saying it wasn’t me who might have suggested a certain funny rap name or two involving hippos and rhynoceracuses.
Thank you, I love you. I’ll leave you alone forever, If you just give me, please, the CD.
Yours sincerely and forever with love and appreciation,
--Fawad “Jemaine and Bret” Siddiqui --
P.S. Didn’t I meet you at a party somewhere? Wasn’t it? Was it Wasn’t it….
Also for your consideration this EXCLUSIVE nude pic of the band:
Free-styling in the wild.
But seriously, the reason I should have it is because I am really into the music. And am considering becoming devoted for life, but not sure, and this would really just push me over the top. And I’m really such a valuable fan to have. And if not then I’ll have to become a fan of one of those other Kiwi folk parody duos out there. Again, not a threat.
I’m the nicest person I know.
Roy (whose Albi and dragon tears were cool)
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