Okay, I transcribed as best I could from the 4/8/09 - Orlando, FL youtube video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RfrJyFfye6k
Obviously, it is far from perfect, if anyone's got any corrections, I'll happily take them on board. Where I've put *J: that's a spoken
bit by Jemaine.
Blah blah banter blahâ€¦
(I do love the guy yelling out â€œlove you, Bret!!â€ ;D)
This is the strangest tale youâ€™ll ever hear
Wherever you go, far or near
In all your days, your months, your years
The weirdest words you heard, if you got ears.
If you donâ€™t have ears, thisâ€™ll be the strangest tale that you everâ€¦ read.
Weâ€™ll tell you the story of a dangerous man
Some say he was born with a gun for a hand
An only child and a motherless son
In his class he was the difficult one
A fugitive by the age of five
They wanted that boy dead or alive
When he was ten he was full of rage
He was shootinâ€™ men twice his age
*J: A ten year old boy with a shootinâ€™ age of twenty. Thatâ€™s far above average.
When he went to a bar, when he walked in
The drinks were so scared they ordered a gin
He was straight out of hell, for heavenâ€™s sake
When a snake bit him he would poison the snake
He had a predilection for killinâ€™ and hatinâ€™
And his name was an anagram of Satan
Bad attitude, bad luck, bad grammar
A man by the name of Stana.
*J: thatâ€™s how he pronounced it, too. â€œAaaaaaâ€¦â€ heâ€™d always trail off at the end.
Basically, â€œSatanâ€ with the letters cleverly rearranged to sound like another name.
Another example is â€œSantaâ€. But oh, he was different to Santa. He was more like Satan. â€˜Cause Santaâ€™s quite a nice guy, Santaâ€™ll come and give you gifts once a year.
Stana, on the other hand, will molest you.
â€¦ about once a year.
*B: heâ€™ll climb down your chimneyâ€¦
*J: on about the 17th of July he will come andâ€¦ get into your bed, and molest you
*B: heâ€™s a bad man. A lawbreaker. Burninâ€™ peopleâ€¦
*J: Heâ€™d uh, heâ€™d break tax laws..
*B: heâ€™d claim heâ€™d earned a lot more than he actually had. (â€¦?) â€¦ He was also a fool.
*J: Heâ€™d go â€œheh heh heh (???) Iâ€™ll say that earn I more than Iâ€¦ oh.â€
â€œI donâ€™t give a s***.â€
â€œWhen I complete it, Iâ€™ll just burn this. Throw it away. Take that, IRSâ€
*B: Heâ€™d also break all sorts of natural laws
*J: Physical laws
*B: Laws of physics, exactly.
*J: He would occupy the same space as another solid object.
*B: He didnâ€™t give a s***.
*J: He was beyond reproach!
(the following bit is really hard to get. This is the best I could doâ€¦)
The people were sick of him killing their kids and raping their sheep
So one night theyâ€¦ (something about drugging him in his sleep)
But Stana awoke (something) because the drug was just too weak
He gathered them round, shot every one of them down
Right there in the steeâ€”eee-ee-eet
*J: Shot everyone in the whole town, all their bodies strewn around. And then heâ€™d make some kind of glib comment, he goes â€œIâ€™m outta here. This place is dead anyway.â€
Who would say such a thing at a time like that?! How inappropriate!
Fortunately in this case, though, all the people he was talking about were dead, so they werenâ€™t offended.
So he put on his hat and got on his horse
and to a new town he set a new course
he rode the steed at an incredible pace
and before too long he came to a place
where the flowers were black and the grass was too
in fact most things had a black-ish hue
the sun seemed to dribble like molten steel
he thought to himself â€œthis is quite surrealâ€
*J: quite Dali-esque
Well, he went to a place to get a bite to eat
And he said to the girl â€œIâ€™ll have a bowl of meatâ€
And she said â€œ(â€¦?) across the street
I can see you there, (â€¦?) (damn Bretâ€™s â€œgirl voiceâ€!)
Outside where the wind blew in two directions
Stana seemed to look at his own reflection
A man identical in his imperfections
Same eyes, same lines(?), same sized erection.
*J: thatâ€™s right. You heard us.
Both of themâ€¦ two guys, looking exactly alike. Evil guys, exactly alike. Both with erections. Which were quite small, by the way. Just because theyâ€™re bad guys, doesnâ€™t mean they have big ones. Thatâ€™s a myth, put out there by bad guys.
(again, a tricky bit. Seriously, I can only catch bits and pieces of it)
This bloke he approached was beyond reproach
Heâ€™d killed a town, heâ€™d shot them all down
He was bad with words, he (â€¦?)
He had a knack for hatinâ€™, kept killinâ€™ sheep, rapinâ€™(?)
When heâ€™d done what heâ€™d done
They took on one fugitive, they had a bowl of snakes (? I have no idea.)
He had a similar frame and ungrammatical name (?)
There wasnâ€™t one way they wasnâ€™t the saaaaame
The two stood out there, right in the street
On that curious day, in that curious heat
Two similar restaurants, forced to compete
The crowd gathered round to watch the scene
The two men walked up simultaneously
Two men that said stereophonically
â€œThis town ainâ€™t big enough for me and meâ€
*J: Literally it was big enough for both of them, â€˜cause obviouslyâ€¦ itâ€™s a town. If it couldnâ€™t support more than one person, it wouldnâ€™t even qualify as a town. It would just be a person. Itâ€™s a figure of speech.
Well they drew their guns both at once
And aimed their shots directly
No one thereâ€™d seen such a thing
Well, itâ€™s not what youâ€™d expect to see
The bullets flew at the very same time
On the very same trajectory
Well, I say itâ€™s true, â€˜cause I was there
And my wife was right there next to mee-ee-ee
(ack, â€˜nuther hard bitâ€¦)
The bullets stopped right there, stayed dead in the air
Then they fell to the ground without making a sound
Each man dropped his jaw(?) at 554(?)
Each â€¦? same as before
They raised their brows as they saw the sign
Their bullets had stopped each otherâ€™s lines
and thereâ€™s no revealinâ€™ the true relation (?)
and they began to laugh, as it was quite a funny situation
If you think the story is strange so far,
this is where it gets truly bizarre
Neither of the Stanas had ever met
No one told them that they hadnâ€™a met.
Havinâ€™ no victory, and no defeat
One and two tried to kill each other
Began to get along with one another (?)
*J: They had a great cat (?). Turns out this other guyâ€™s name was â€œAnatsâ€
They were attached together like brain and a tumour
Same taste, same body, same sense of humour
They bought a farm, started bringing in pumas
They became lovers, though thatâ€™s a rumour
Thatâ€™s what happened when Stana met Stana.
Well, they say we all got our (â€¦?)
It might be false, and it might be true.
What would you do if you met yoouu?
*J: what would you do if you came face to face to yourself? Would you fight each other to the death? Evenly matched, who could ever win?
Or, probably more likely, you would become lovers. Start a ranch, raising big cats.